trailing behind

Tanya goes to see her friend Jenny and the new baby. She's barely in the door when Jenny shoves the baby at her. It's been so long since she held one she forgets, for a moment, that it's not a cat, and reflexively stroke-tickles its sides. The baby squirms, then cries. Tanya tries to hand it back but Jenny is busy in the other room. Tanya coos and tries to soothe the baby but it just cries and cries and cries. Eventually Jenny takes it back.

Tanya doesn't see Jenny again until the baby is crawling. She's a happier baby these days, laughing and smiling more than crying. Jenny is less stressed now that breastfeeding is easier. Tanya sits cross-legged on the floor and the baby crawls into her lap and laughs. Tanya stays until dark and even then doesn't want to leave.

One day when Tanya visits the baby is walking. This seems sudden but Jenny says she's been doing it for a while (but if she sees you watching she'll flop down on the floor and scowl). They go to the park and the baby toddles around picking dandelions out of the grass and blowing the seeds off in her cute baby way. A friend of Jenny's and her little boy turn up, and the babies play nicely together in the sand pit.

Tanya doesn't see Jenny for a while but visits soon after Jenny moves to a new apartment. Jenny wants to show Tanya the local shops so they set off with the baby, now 20 months old, in the stroller. First they go to the park for a quick play, because Jenny promised. The baby doesn't want to get back in the stroller afterwards so Jenny says she can walk behind. Tanya tries to hold the baby's hand but she likes her independence and pulls it away.

When they get to the corner and have to wait for the lights to change, Tanya expects Jenny to take the baby's hand so she doesn't try to cross early or stand too close to the curb, but Jenny keeps both her hands on the stroller's handles. The baby hangs back anyway, and Tanya marvels at how well-behaved this little person is. When it comes to actually crossing the road, Tanya is shocked that Jenny strides across without even looking to see that the baby is following. Perhaps Jenny assumes that Tanya has taken charge? (Tanya better take charge, then!) She grabs the baby's hand and tugs her in the right direction. She knows she's walking too fast for the baby to keep up comfortably, but the lights are already changing and she doesn't want anything horrible to happen.

Later in the day they are walking up a hill after browsing in the local shopping centre. Again the baby is out of the pram and traipsing along behind Jenny. They sit down on a bench (it's a steep hill) and Tanya takes her eyes off the baby for maybe five seconds. Next thing she knows the baby is sitting in the gutter, picking up shards of gravel. Jenny seems oblivious, doing something with her phone. Tanya moves so fast she sprains something, but succeeds in grabbing the baby before the traffic hurtles past. The baby squirms and cries out angrily - she was doing something and doesn't like being interrupted! Jenny still doesn't seem concerned.

Tanya wonders whether Jenny secretly wants her baby to die... or at least, be conveniently removed from Jenny's world. Jenny does love her baby, but motherhood has not turned out to be what she always envisaged it as previously, and it's clear she's chafing. Post-natal depression, perhaps? In some form? Or just general social isolation? Tanya is intimately familiar with both, and knows how hard it can be to parent alone. She remembers her own dark thoughts when her baby was small, and wants to reach out to Jenny but doesn't know how.