Shelley and James (part 2)
They woke at 7.46am when the sun sliced through the parted curtains and hit them right in the face. James groaned and turned over, pulled a pillow over his head. Shelley got up, put her jeans on, went in search of the bathroom. She did find it, but it was occupied. She returned to James' room and sat on the end of the bed.
Eventually he pushed the pillow away and sat up. She was waiting for him to look at her but seemed to be deliberately avoiding it. So she looked at the dust motes drifting in the sunlight while he picked out some clothes from the pile on the floor.
"I'm sorry I got upset. I don't know why I did that."
"'S'okay. Don't worry about it. You want a coffee?"
"Please."
They shuffled out to the kitchen and Shelley washed a couple of mugs. James couldn't find the filter basket for the coffee machine so they made do with instant.
"I was a bit full-on last night, Shel, sorry."
"Uh, what? What do you mean?"
"It was the beer talking. I don't do that mushy stuff usually. Don't take it personally."
"I didn't think you were mushy."
"Oh, you know, the 'why didn't I notice you at school' stuff."
"Oh. Right."
Right. So... what, he didn't really like her after all? She had turned out to be a mental case and too much work? She had to bite her bottom lip and look away so she didn't start crying all over again.
"I'm going to be busy for a couple of weeks, but you can call me if you want."
This seemed like a suitable peace offering, so she turned back, smiled brightly, nodded.
He didn't walk her to the bus stop this time. She thought she'd be crying on the bus but managed to keep it together til she got home - and then bawled for an hour, until her head felt like she was wearing a hat two sizes too small and so she was so snotted up she could only breathe raggedly through her mouth. Even so, she wasn't sure why she was crying. She hadn't been that interested in him to start with, so why did it hurt so much now? Because he'd been nice the night before, and then basically retracted it in the morning? Because he hadn't tried to seduce her in the morning? Because he hadn't wanted to look at her in the morning?
She felt ashamed and used, even though nothing had actually happened. She felt confused. She was damn tired of feeling confused.